Priorities, priorities, priorities…

I started this Blog as a method of opening myself up to scrutiny. I wasn't really doing it for other people, though; I figured some of the information would spark conversations among others about themselves and me. However, I wanted to really take a reflective look at who I am. What makes me tick? Why do I do the things that I do? Irrationally, I thought I had all of the answers. I thought I knew all about myself. Yea, right! Forgive my frankness, but I didn't know shit! Well, what has come to pass is I have learned more about myself now, than I ever knew. I have learned that I am still learning- and subsequently, growing.

Recently, as many folks who know me knows, I lost my grandmother. By recently, I mean last Thursday. It is hard. Really hard….But there is a silver lining here. Now stop, before anyone decided to think crazily. I am, in no way, happy about losing my Gmaw. I am heartbroken. Still, I am happy about a realization that her passing led me to attain. Let me explain...

Wednesday night, I was stressed out! I had two assignments due that very night. I am a teacher, and grades needed to be posted. My son was having trouble and I needed to work with him on his Math homework; and I still had to do laundry, cook and clean my bathroom (it was really, really in need of cleaning). In short, life happened. Well, Wednesday night was also my regularly scheduled time to call my grandmother. We had weekly phone calls, just to check in. I didn't make the phone call.

When Thursday came, I was a chaperon on an awesome field trip. I was so excited that I left my phone- and other essentials- in my car. You can get a sense of what happened next. Everyone in the history of my life was trying to get a hold me. Ok, maybe this was an exaggeration, but you can get a clearer picture of what was going on. My grandmother had passed.

Here it is, I like everyone else, believed that I could call my grandmother on the next day. I had time. Family would be there. But the trouble is this isn’t a true statement. In fact, it is not only an incorrect statement, but it is an absurd statement to make. I won’t go into the whole, do what you can do today speech. I will say this: don’t ever do what I did, and make family an afterthought. Family is first, should forever be first, and needs to be priority.

I will confess; I am a workaholic. I dive into work so that I don’t have to face emotions. I dive into work so that family won’t bother me. Today, I am no longer a workaholic. Today, I am a family member. For the first time in my life, work, grades, homework, everything else is secondary to my family. I am thankful to my grandmother for showing me the way. Leave it to that old lady to teach me through death. I love you Mawmaw!